How To Deal with Guilt: 8 Tips To Cope

Guilt might feel like a familiar colleague shadowing you throughout your day. 

However guilt manifests in your body, it likely overwhelms your senses. Perhaps a knot forms in your stomach or negative self-talk engulfs your thinking, clouding your clarity and making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. And without intentional action, stepping back and uncovering the underlying trigger may be difficult. 

Hidden behind your guilt is often an invitation for personal growth. Consistently missing deadlines and complicating your team members’ workflow doesn’t just merit an apology. It also requires better time management and communication skills, highlighting attributes you could work to improve. Likewise, constantly ruminating about never doing enough is a sign to re-evaluate your expectations for yourself or workplace environment. 

Wherever it stems from, learning how to deal with guilt starts with identifying the feeling and its cause. When you do, you strip guilt of its influence and empower yourself to engage in constructive self-reflection and action — and learn to shake it off. 

What’s guilt?

According to the American Psychological Association, guilt is a self-conscious emotion. It’s an overwhelming sensation that you have done, said, or thought something wrong. 

Here are some common situations that might cause you to feel overcome with guilt at work: 

• Missing an expected timeline for a project, complicating deadlines and your team members’ workflow
• Saying no to a new role, prompting you to feel ungrateful
• Overestimating your capabilities and falling short
• Forgetting to congratulate a team member’s success, making you feel like a bad person
• Failing to join in on work events, after-hour gatherings, and other team-bonding experiences
• Interrupting a coworker during a meeting and undermining their delivery
• Taking a full lunch break, stepping out to get fresh air, or requesting a mental health day
• Setting boundaries to respect your focus mode or after-office hours
• Feeling like you’re not doing enough despite meeting expectations
• Asking for a raise or promotion, inspiring you to feel greedy 
• Communicating mental health needs, making you feel like a burden
• Losing your patience with a difficult coworker

Often, when you’re dealing with guilt, it’s common to want to take action to undo or correct that behavior. But before acting, it’s important to engage in self-reflection. 

Guilt isn’t black and white — feeling like you committed wrongdoing doesn’t always mean you actually did something wrong. For instance, feeling guilt about being a working parent may indicate the need to develop more self-compassion or healthier coping mechanisms since it’s already admirable you’re doing both. 

Wherever your guilty feelings stem from, the first step to figuring out how to get over guilt is understanding what triggers this emotional response. 

Why do we feel guilt?

Like any other emotion, guilt serves a purpose in our inner psyche. It represents more than a knee-jerk emotional reaction — it’s also a reflection of your core personal values, upbringing, and standards. 

If you’re wondering how to let go of guilt, let’s first identify common reasons for feeling it. 

1. Accountability for your actions

Guilt often reflects how your actions impact others, whether that’s your inner circle or a complete stranger. 

At its core, guilt signals a sense of responsibility. When you feel like you’ve made a mistake, your internal moral compass points you back in the direction you perceive as right or acceptable. For example, practicing self-awareness and self-control to stop interrupting your coworkers or revamping office supplies to have a more sustainable environmental footprint both motivate you to better contribute to your workplace or society. 

2. Empathy and connection,

Humans are social and yearn for connection and support. Cognitive empathy is useful in and out of the workplace, helping you share your feelings and respect others. But compassion fatigue can set in when you feel personally responsible for helping struggling others. 

Surviving a layoff and witnessing your coworkers lose their jobs, for example, may fill you with intense guilt despite the decision being based on external circumstances beyond your control. 

3. Social constructions 

Guilt shares similarities with other self-conscious emotions, including shame, regret, and embarrassment. These emotions mirror social constructions learned from a young age. Societal norms, cultural expectations, and peer interactions shape your identity and understanding of right and wrong. When there’s a misalignment, your internal barometer goes off. To learn how to deal with guilt and regret, carefully differentiate between genuine, constructive guilt and the weight of external societal expectations. 

Struggling with mom guilt might be influenced by societal pressures to put motherhood ahead of professional aspirations. But there’s no best way to parent, and there’s no such thing as a perfect parent — including for those balancing parenting with careers.

4. Past mistakes 

Picture this: you’re in the middle of your commute and suddenly remember that time you blanked on a coworker's name at an important networking event. Moments you aren’t proud of sometimes find a way of sneaking up on you, replaying over and over in your mind. 

You’re bound to make mistakes in life. Self-criticism can be a helpful tool for self-improvement. But correcting behaviors requires self-forgiveness and action so that ordinary feelings of guilt don’t magnify and negatively impact your well-being and mental health. 

5. Standards and expectations

Setting high standards for yourself can be a blessing and a curse. While they push you to achieve and excel, unrealistic goals can also make you experience guilt when you fail to meet them. Whether it’s feeling like you should always be the top performer on your team or believing you have to go above and beyond for loved ones, coworkers, and clients, falling short may chip away at your self-esteem. 

The start to learning how to stop feeling guilty about not meeting high expectations is creating healthy boundaries between aspirational goals and unrealistic objectives. Finding a balance of ambition and self-compassion allows you to pursue excellence without being trapped by negative feelings. 

When should we sit with guilt?

Guilt is an internal alert system. It can nudge you towards deeper self-awareness and help you regain a sense of balance. In certain situations, active self-reflection and constructive criticism can help you develop better decision-making and healthy relationships in the future. 

Here are a few situations where self-reflection can blossom into self-improvement: 

• Hurting someone’s feelings: If you hurt someone’s feelings (whether intentional or not), recognize the impact of your words and actions. Give the other person some space, and initiate a sincere conversation. Listen actively to their perspective, offer a genuine apology, and commit to being more mindful. Understand that mending the bond may require time, and in some cases, the relationship dynamics may permanently change. 
• Ignoring your moral compass: Betraying your core values can feel like sabotaging your identity. Reflect on what drove you to compromise your principles. Whether it was for material gain or peer approval, identify the root cause. If you struggle to examine your decision-making, journaling or meditation practices can help you connect with yourself. When you discover the root cause, seek realistic actions to realign yourself with your values. 
• Breaking promises: When you don’t fulfill a commitment, it undermines your credibility. Pinpoint where things went wrong: did you overcommit, plan poorly, or get distracted? Enhance your skills through self-taught learning or by working with a career coach to avoid repeating the same bad habits. 
• Rupturing someone’s trust in you: Trust can be difficult to piece back together once broken. If you went back on a promise, gossiped about a coworker, or lied to someone, acknowledge the misdeed. The first steps are owning up to your actions, engaging in an open dialogue, and investing time and effort into rebuilding the trust you damaged. 

• Neglecting important relationships: Sometimes, daily obligations or career aspirations cause you to sideline family members, close friends, or colleagues. If you find yourself consistently neglecting your inner circle, take a moment to pause and recalibrate. Reconnect, acknowledge your absence, and make consistent efforts to prioritize your bonds. A heartfelt message or a bonding activity are great ways to get things back on track. 
• Being impulsive: Quick decisions can lead to unintended consequences. Reflect on what got you in that situation, whether it was a last-minute change or an off-the-cuff remark. Reflect on your impulsivity, and imagine how you can approach similar situations with more thoughtfulness in the future. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to figure out how to stop feeling bad about something you did. Pick solutions that make sense for you and the people your actions have affected. Remember, the goal isn’t to wallow in self-blame but to learn, make amends when possible, and do better next time. 

How to get rid of guilt: 8 Tips

Guilt can feel like a heavy burden to bear. But with the right tools and mindset, you can learn to manage it and build a road to self-acceptance. 

Here are eight tips to help you navigate through your guilt: 

1. Acknowledge your feelings

The first step in handling guilt is recognizing your negative emotions. It’s okay to feel guilty when you’ve made a mistake or haven’t lived up to your standards. Acknowledging your feelings creates space to reflect, learn, and grow. Try not to suppress your emotions. Instead, give yourself time and self-compassion to understand their cause and impact. 

2. Apologize to others

An authentic apology can be a powerful tool for mending hurt feelings and clearing up misunderstandings. Remember, it’s not about just saying the words but backing them up with actions. Deep self-reflection about the damage, hurt, or discomfort you caused will help you accept your wrongdoings and genuinely apologize for them. And be specific about what you’re sorry for. This helps the person you’ve hurt feel validated and can be healing for you. 

3. Forgive yourself

Treat yourself with the same kindness, empathy, and understanding you’d offer to a friend. Making mistakes is part of life. When you do something that makes you feel guilty, balance self-reflection with self-compassion.

Forgiving yourself isn’t about excusing bad behavior but treating yourself with the same respect and understanding you’d offer others. 

4. Make amends

Although a genuine apology can ease an uncomfortable situation, actions often speak louder. Analyze the situation and think about realistic ways to make right out of the wrong. This might be replacing something you broke, investing time in 1:1 activities to rebuild trust, or being more attentive. Whatever the solution is, consistently putting in the work can go a long way. 

5. Establish boundaries

Sometimes, guilt takes over because you overextend yourself or fail to communicate limits. Sit down and set clear boundaries, whether with work, personal relationships, or your time. Recall that guilt doesn’t automatically mean wrongdoing. It does, however, always invite an opportunity for healthy change. By identifying your triggers and setting boundaries, you can safeguard your mental health and reduce situations that cause guilt in the first place. 

6. Understand that some things are out of your control 

Life is unpredictable, and despite your best efforts, things don’t always go according to plan. Learning to differentiate between situations you can change and those beyond your control can bring more positivity and peace of mind. When you feel overwhelmed with guilt, ask yourself what you can and can’t do, and focus your energy where you can genuinely make an impact. 

7. See your mistakes as growth opportunities

Mistakes are a natural part of life. With the right attitude, they can be turned into positive learning experiences. Instead of ruminating over what went wrong, shift your perspective. Ask yourself what the experience taught you and how you can use the experience to make better decisions in the future. Growth isn’t always comfortable — push through to turn discomfort into a catalyst for personal development.  

8. Ask for help

Persistent guilt can be challenging to navigate alone. The weight of your feelings may close your eyes to potential solutions or pathways to forgiving yourself. Leaning into your community, seeking therapy, or working with a life coach can provide an external perspective and actionable steps to recovery. 

Transform guilt into positive change

Guilt is a natural human emotion — but it doesn’t have to dominate your life. You can learn how to deal with guilt with careful reflection, self-compassion, and a helping hand from professionals and loved ones. 

And with the right approach, you can do more than just rid yourself of negative emotions. You can transform guilt into a positive opportunity to become a better version of yourself.